In Which We All Choke on Poison Ocean

Yesterday was an amazing day. I woke up at 9:30 at started getting ready for the graduation picnic. My roommates were around getting ready too – in a leisurely fashion – and although the picnic started at 10 we didn’t leave until past 11. We all dressed up a little bit for it, just because we felt like it. Marijka tried to get me to wear a skirt of hers but it was a bit short, so I just wore my nice jeans. Dani was glad because she was in jeans too and didn’t want to be the only one not wearing a skirt. Incidentally, I don’t own any dressy shirts, other than the button-up ones I bought just for this so that I would have “professional” clothing. I hadn’t realized this until we were getting ready. My version of “dressing up a little bit” is to wear a shirt I feel pretty in and take a bit of extra care with my make up. Hmm. I suppose it’s not a bad thing.
When we got there we first signed up for the paddleboat races, then wandered about a bit, and then went and got our graduation Mickey ear hats! They are like the regular black Mickey ear hats but with a graduation tassel. They came in just one size, which meant that mine was too big and PJ’s was too small, but we all put them on with great delight anyhow. We were going to get our certificates, but then decided that having to carry them around for the rest of the picnic would get old rather quickly, and we would get them just before we left.
We then saw a line for meeting Mickey in a graduation outfit, so we got in line. While were in line we took several pictures of all of us together. Then after waiting a while we realized that we had to be at the paddleboat races at 12:35, and that we still needed to eat, and it was nearly 12:15. So we ditched the line and went and got food. It was normal picnic food, hot dogs and hamburgers. Marijka’s friend Lindsey (she’s from Iowa) and I were greatly disappointed in the corn on the cob. It was dreadful. But the hotdogs were all right.
After lunch we scurried over to the paddleboat dock and got on our life jackets. The teams were PJ and Nic, me and Abby, Dani and Kara, and Marjika and Lindsey (but the last two had to go on the next race because there wasn’t space). There were eight teams per race. They lined us up on the edge of the dock – and fortunately no one was cheating-prone and we all lined up evenly. They said “Go,” and we went. I instantly realized that paddleboating was harder than I thought. My legs hurt very quickly, but we kept going. We were supposed to go around the buoy but we went different ways and had a head on collision. For several moments the four boats (there were two buoys, one on each side) were all stuck, bashed into each other. Abby and I were the second to break free, and pedaled madly away. One boat was way ahead, due to the fact that they didn’t bother going around a buoy. So they were disqualified. We were close to two other boats, but couldn’t pull ahead of them, so we got third. I thought third of eight wasn’t bad, and we won water bottles (but they were cheap boring plastic ones, so it wasn’t especially thrilling). I was exhausted after that and had to sit down for a little. Then we got our certificates, and were sitting in chairs, until I heard them doing Disney trivia over the loudspeaker and hopped up to go see if I could win a prize. Unfortunately, the prizes were more boring waterbottles. And they were doing it by choosing a random person with their hand up and not by speed. Rats. They also occasionally gave beach towels, which I would have loved to win, but since I wasn’t in the front it was no good. Ah well. The exciting thing was that while I was up there, both Kara and Marijka’s names got called for caricatures, so we got to watch them be drawn. Marjika’s was good but Kara’s wasn’t done as well – they didn’t capture her the way Marijka was captured.
After that things were starting to close down, so we walked back home and got ready to go to the beach. I couldn’t find my swimsuit so I just dressed in clothes that I didn’t mind getting wet. We all crammed in one car even though there were six of us – Kara and Marijka double buckled – because we didn’t want to spend the gas money for two cars. It wasn’t exactly comfortable, but it was certainly fun! We didn’t know how to get there (to Cocoa beach, the closest one to us) other than what freeway to get on and which direction, but since there weren’t any have-to-have-a-plans among us, we just went for it. (I only have to have a plan if it’s something that can be missed or ruined, like going to a play. A spontaneous trip to the beach can be just as fun if it ends in being lost, if everyone just laughs at the adventure.) Fortunately, there were signs all the way there, so we made it no problem. We stopped at a gas station when we were almost there, and Dani and I were hungry so we bought egg rolls and taquitos, which were surprisingly good. As we were going down the little road to the public access beach entrance, Dani said,
“You can smell the ocean!” and then Dani and Kara and I were all coughing at once. Dani and I thought we had both just happened to choke on our food at the same time, and Kara jokingly said we were allergic to the ocean. We got out of the car and went gleefully down the wooden path to the sand. The water looked pretty but it did smell rather bad. We waded a little, but the smell made swimming uninviting. And we were all coughing more and more. At first we thought it was just the salt in the air, but when it just went on and on with all of us coughing and choking we thought there had to be something else. And the sand was an ugly dull brown gray, and Marijka and I both thought this was a travesty.
“The sand in the Philippines is white!” Marijka complained.
“The sand in Michigan is golden!” I bemoaned.
“This is the color of the sand at Rocky Point,” Dani declared cheerfully. She was really the only one of us who liked that place, and her only because it reminded her of where she used to vacation with her family.
Then Dani picked up a jelly fish.
“Dani, drop it!” I cried.
“Why?” she asked.
“Because it’s a Portuguese man o’ war!” The beach was full of them, of all different sizes. We had to watch our step. (This also confirmed our decision to not swim.) And dead fish too. And we all kept coughing the whole time, and the sand was dull and ugly – it reminded me of one of those apocalyptic scenes in a movie where everything has gone wrong and turned desolate and poisoned.
So we walked down the beach to the pier and went up it to look at the shops. We went in two of them, and tried on hats. And then we went to a little ice cream store and bought two cups of ice cream and shared them between us all – cotton candy and “garbage can,” an ice cream with 7 kinds of candy bar pieces in it. We thought that that was a frightful name for such a nice ice cream. Dani bought it because she was the only one with cash and they only took cash. We asked the lady about how the air was making us choke – PJ’s allergies were kicking in and his eyes were watering like crazy – and she explained that it was the red tide. It’s an algae bloom and it releases a neurotoxin that kills the fish and things. Great.
We went back to the car after that. On the way we saw an old lady out walking her dog – wearing a surgical mask. That was encouraging. We were pretty glad to get back in the car and leave.
The way home was interesting – it was a toll road and we were scrambling for cash because we had almost none. We just barely came up with enough change to pay the last toll.
When we got back it was about seven o’clock. We changed clothes and then went to the Magic Kingdom to get our hats embroidered with our names. We were going to take the bus, and left just in time to catch it. And then when I was getting on I realized I had left my housing ID. And the driver wouldn’t let me on the bus even though I had my Disney ID and my driver’s license and all my roommates there. It made me so mad – more because of the blank, completely indifferent way he just shook his head to tell me no than anything else. No “I’m sorry, we just can’t make exceptions,” no nothing except a blank face and a head shake. I hate it when people don’t care. I hate it. I would have liked to just walk past him onto the bus, just to make him react. But anyway, Dani was very sweet and walked back with me so I could get my ID and we could drive to Magic Kingdom while the others took the bus, and talked to me to help me stay calm. I’ve been fighting panic attacks for the past few days and this wasn’t helping. But I grabbed my ID and car keys, and we called the others to have them meet us at the TTC so we could take the monorail together.
The monorail was mostly empty, of course, since the park was closing in just over an hour. PJ was enjoying saying “Por favor, manténganse alejado de las puertas!” along with the monorail announcer, and he was very excited when I told him that they have shirts that say that. So when we got there, as soon as we had gotten our hats embroidered – mine says “Jonesy” because that’s what all my roommates call me, I love having a nickname – we went to the Emporium so that he could buy it. Then it was time for the fireworks so we went out into the street to watch them. Kara had never seen them before. Then we were hungry, especially Kara, so we all piled in my car and went to Denny’s. Abby joined up with us there – I forgot to say she didn’t come to beach because she had to take an exam – and we all had a nice meal. Then we went home, not quite so squishedly because we had Abby’s car as well as mine. We all went to bed pretty fast because we were so tired. And that is the tale of yesterday.
Today I baked cookies, and that’s all. And I need to go to sleep.

In Which Two Very Full Days Go By

(Note: This post turned out rather long, so if you want to skim, be my guest.)

I don’t really want to write this post. I don’t want to relive the day before yesterday again – I’d rather forget about it, at least for now. But you deserve to know what’s going on, so, here goes, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Since I didn’t get home from work until past 3am on Tuesday night (I left work at about 2:30 and then had to stop at Walmart to get cardstock and a hole punch and a gold pen for wrapping Christmas presents), I decided to go to the 4pm audition instead of the 10am one, since the 10am would have given me about three hours sleep. So I got a reasonable night’s sleep and got up in the morning feeling quite well. I did a load of laundry so that I would have the exact clothes I wanted for the audition, IMed my good friend Ali for quite a while, and wrote out notes to go inside the Christmas presents for my friends and family.
Since I was feeling creative, and missing my friends and family and wanting to make things as pretty and nice as possible for them, I was decorating the little cards by painting a holly rubber stamp I had (the leaves green and the berries red) and stamping it on the little cards. Nic came in as I was painting the stamp. She came to a dead stop in the middle of the room and stared at me.
“No – no, tell me you’re not – you are.” She surveyed my cards spread over the table, and shook her head. “I am officially calling you Martha Stewart.” Now, “Martha Stewart” is one accusation that this very disorganized and crafting challenged girl has never gotten. So I decided to take it as a compliment, even though she didn’t mean it that way. As long as I can stay out of jail…
I left for auditions at 2:45, and arrived at about 3:10, twenty minutes before the stated half-hour early. I went in, trying not to feel self-concious about my shoes as I saw what everyone else was wearing. You see, everyone was wearing either tennis shoes or simple black dance shoes, neither of which I own. I was wearing my Cinderella shoes, and had brought my ballet slippers in case. But looking around I felt that ballet slippers would be ostentatious, and I was afraid that my Cinderella shoes would not work well for dancing in and might fall off or be slippy. A few people were in Converse, and I thought perhaps I should have worn those. But no, I’m not fully used to them yet, and they might have been awkward for dancing. One girl was in flip-flips and didn’t seem to have brought other shoes with her, so she must being going to dance barefoot. Perhaps I could do that.
I had filled out my form and stood in line to turn it in, and received my number – 239, got measured – 5’3” as usual, and got my picture taken – I hate how I can feel when I’m smiling fake but I can’t fix it. Then I sat down near the girl who I met at fairy auditions – the feisty one – who I was happy to see was there. And I found out her name is Carrie. So Carrie and I and the few other girls who were her friends all sat in a circle and chatted. And they started calling out numbers at apparent random, but soon we figured out that they were checking our record cards and calling out those who had too many points. Two or three of us started cringing in panic, especially Carrie who thought she was just barely under the limit. I knew I was all clear because I don’t have anything on my record at all. They kept moving up the numbers – and then Carrie got called. And we all were sad and worried. And she came back, and told us that she had too many and couldn’t do it. And we were all bummed for her together.
After what seemed like an extremely long time, they finally called everyone together to sit on the floor and hear announcements and information. Much to our disappointment, the man said that they had a very successful audition tour this year, and as a result there were very few spots available, and so if it happened that there wasn’t a role in your height range, then through no fault of your own, even if you were a great dancer and very animated, you simply wouldn’t be able to get a role. Rats. But we all were taken into the big dancing room to be taught our combination, by the same small perky lady who taught the dance combination when I auditioned in Lansing. It was nice to see a familiar face.
It turned out to be an extremely easy combination, and my shoes weren’t a problem at all. I danced it with enthusiasm and accuracy, and looking around at everyone (there were about 60 of us) it seemed to me that I was doing the steps better than many, and being more animated than most. This was very comforting to me, though I wasn’t sure if I just thought that because I couldn’t see myself and I actually wasn’t being as animated as I felt. At any rate, when I was doing the combination for the second time, I managed to catch the eye of one of the audition watcher people and smile at them, and have them smile back at me, without missing a step. I felt that the smile that had been returned to me was a genuine smile of pleasure, that that person liked what she saw.
When we had all done the combination, they told us to sit on the floor and chat amongst ourselves while they talked, and turned some bouncy music on. We were all pretty full of nervous energy, and all of a sudden two people were standing up and dancing to the music. It wasn’t thirty seconds before every person was on their feet and dancing around. It made a nice way to pass the time, as well as being a lot of fun. I saw one girl who had been amazingly animated and good at dancing, so I told her so, which made her happy. I couldn’t help thinking that if she didn’t get in, nobody was getting in. She looked like a character when she danced.
Finally they turned off the music and had us all sit back down. Then they called off numbers into three groups. First group called off – no me. But no girl-who-was-characterish either, so I didn’t give up hope. Second group – no me, no girl-who-was-characterish. Third group – everyone who was left. I looked around. In this group were a bunch of the people who I had noticed as not being able to dance. Rats. Rats rats rats. Unless they were going to split us up again, this was it. The guy took us out to the main lobby where we had been waiting before, and we waited, and then another guy came and told us that they didn’t have parts for us. When he was done talking, I stood up and quickly got my bag. I could feel I was going to cry so I went right out to my car. As I was leaving, I heard people talking about it maybe making a difference if you had put you were available for full-time because maybe they needed full-time people not CPs. When I was in my car I started thinking. I had only put available for CP because these were the extension auditions, and I thought that was what we were supposed to put (they use the same forms for all the auditions). What if I had messed things up for myself? I could do full time. I didn’t know what to do about this. I was driving away, but then I turned around and came back. I had to know. The audition people were so friendly and kind. It wouldn’t be to awful to just go and ask whether it made a difference – after all, they’d already said no, what more could they do?
When I slipped back into the lobby, I was happy to see that the same girls I had been talking to were gathered in a circle in the same place as before the auditions. I dropped to sitting on the floor with them, and told them what I was thinking. They agreed that it couldn’t hurt to ask. So I took a deep breath and walked over to the audition people.
“Can I help you?” said a man with gray hair and a kind smile.
“Could I ask a question?”
“Sure. You can ask two if you want.” I laughed, and said,
“Well, you know people always speculate after auditions, and we were speculating, and I wondered if it made a difference if we put we were available for full time.” I paused briefly, figure out how to continue, and he said,
“Who’s speculating – your little circle over there?”
“Yeah,” I answered with a half-smile.
“Well, then, let’s go over there, and I can answer all your questions instead of you speculating.” So, much to my astonishment, he walked over with me to our little circle and plunked down on the floor.
And we had a wonderful talk. He explained that the full time didn’t matter – it was basically a height thing. And really, he asked, would you rather be turned down because you’re a bad dancer or because you’re just the wrong height? We discussed our options and where we all would go from here. And he said that if we wanted, we could audition again at the end of May before graduation, and that we could also after going home audition at next year’s college program auditions. And he talked about our majors and professional internships that might be available, and in general made us feel like worthwhile people who had a hope and a future instead of rejects. When I left, I felt much better and not so much like I was going to cry. I thought I was going to be okay.
Then, on the way home, I took the wrong road. But it looked like if I could take a road left, I would end up where I wanted to go. But there were no roads left. Then it said “Toll Plaza one mile.” Uh oh, better turn around. There was no place to turn around between the sign and the toll plaza. What the point of the warning sign was, I have no idea. So I had to drive through, and pay $1.50. Ugh. So I thought I’d better turn around now and go back, since this road wasn’t working out for me. And after I turned around, just a few hundred yards from the toll plaza, I discovered that there was another plaza on the other side of the road. I explained to the lady what had happened, but she still made me pay another $1.50. So I’d had to pay $3.00 to be on a road I never wanted to be on. $3.00 could have bought a churro with chocolate sauce, or funnel cake, or a cinnamon roll at the Main Street Bakery. And I started to cry and couldn’t stop. I wasn’t crying because of the $3.00 really, of course, I was crying because I couldn’t be Alice, or Wendy, or flying Tinkerbell, or even a fur character. And I cried most of the way home, managing to pull myself together before I came into my apartment.
To my happiness, Nic was the only one there. If I was going to pick one of my roommates to have around if something had happened, it would be Nic. She gave me a hug, and then went out and bought me pizza because I hadn’t eaten since breakfast and it was 6:30. And we sat and ate pizza and talked and I felt better.
Then I checked my e-mail, and called my mother and told her about everything, which was a relief, and finished writing the present notes. Everyone gradually came home and started getting ready for the college program Winter Formal which was that night. Earlier that day – I forgot to write about this – Marijka found a dress that fit me of hers and so I was going to wear it. As soon as all the notes were written I started getting ready. It is fun to all get ready with a bunch of girls, I like it. The sensation of the evening was Dani putting eyeliner on Abby, because she doesn’t normally wear makeup – and she went from fairly pretty to gorgeous. Every time another one of us saw her for the first time, we just said, “WOW.” Dani did my eye make up too, and it turned out pretty good but it wasn’t the sensation Abby’s was, which was okay with me. Besides, the fact that I had been crying didn’t help. But I turned out cute in my borrowed dress and shoes and I was satisfied.
The formal was… not my thing. The best part was meeting Mickey and Minnie. And meeting a girl who was wearing a crown of pearly white beads and a cloak with a silver design on the back. I watched her walk by at one point and thought, “Kindred spirit! There’s my people!” So before we left I found her and talked to her and when I told her that I saw her and it was like a breath of fresh air and that I thought she was a kindred spirit she said,
“Christian?”
“Yes!” I said, astonished. That hadn’t even been what I meant! She was just “weird like us.” Well, we hadn’t been talking for five minutes before we’d decided that if her extension request is approved, we’ll be requesting to be roommates next semester. Her name is Tiffany. There is just one trouble in my mind, and it is this: I think it has been good for me to room with people who think differently from me. I am a bit worried now that rooming with Tiffany, who thinks like me, will be a copping out and going back to my comfort zone, instead of branching out and reaching out and experiencing those who are different from me. But if God doesn’t want me to room with her, why did he bring us together so suddenly and randomly like that? I am uncertain.
After the formal we all went out to Perkins. Nic and I shared a Belgian waffle, and we both got milk. It was nice. And when we got home it was about 2am, and I started wrapping presents, because I had to send them off with my grandparents the next day. I had forgotten all about the formal when I had planned my time frame for the presents, and had been planning on getting them wrapped that evening after auditions. So I wrapped from 2am until nearly 7am, and then slept from 7 until 9:45.
Needless to say I was a bit sleepy all through the next day, but I had a grand time with my grandparents at Epcot anyway. I even got them to go on Soarin’, and they liked it. And we watched the candlelight processional – which included a reading of the Christmas story and lots of Christmas hymns. It was so lovely and so refreshing. There was even a part where the narrator told about Jesus as a grown man, and everything she said was accurate. I was amazed. Although it was the truth and nothing but the truth, it wasn’t the whole truth – they left out the resurrection. It was weird, I don’t realize how much I am inwardly anticipating the description of the resurrection during a description of Jesus’ death until it doesn’t come. But anyway, they did mighty good for a secular environment. I didn’t have to cringe at anything, and I enjoyed it very much.
After that we wandered on through the countries, rode Maelstrom, and ate at the Cantina de San Angel, which was delicious, especially since we were so hungry. We wanted to get dessert after that but everything was closed, so we just ate the candy we bought in Germany instead. Buying that candy was an amusingly spur of the moment thing. We had wandered through many shops in different countries without buying anything, and admired many things. In Germany in the candy store I told them how the dark chocolate Toblerones (chocolate with toffee and nougat bits inside) were amazing, and Grandpa said something like, “Then we’ll buy you one.” It is odd – when Grandpa Richard offers to buy me something, I can just accept it happily, whereas with Grandma Sally I have to think about whether I should or not. I think it is because with Grandma Sally, she is a grandmother, and wants me to be happy, so she offers to buy me everything I like, and if I accepted everything she’d be spending a ridiculous amount of money and I’d have more stuff than I knew what to do with. Whereas with Grandpa Richard, he just rarely and randomly declares that he’s going to buy me something. But anyway, then at the counter there was almond bark which Grandpa Richard loves so Grandma Sally told him he could get some, so he got a nice big piece, and then there was hazelnut praline which Grandma Sally loves, so she got that. So we all three left the shop with candy we loved, all trying to tell ourselves we weren’t going to eat any until after dinner even though we were soooo hungry, but while we were in line for Maelstrom we all ate a bite anyhow. And then ate the rest after dinner (but I didn’t eat all mine because you can only eat so much dark chocolate at a time).
When we got back to my apartment they came in and waited and chatted with me and my roommates while I unwrapped and rewrapped Bram’s present because I found something in Japan that he had to have. Meanwhile Kara and PJ (he’s Kara’s friend and visits us a lot, I like him, he is friendly and pleasant to be around) were watching one of those crime-stopping shows, CSI Miami I think, which I try not to watch often because they always seem to be about creepy twisted crimes and I have decided that being entertained by the sort of thing, even by the stopping of it, is not healthy for my imagination and mind. So anyway it was another creepy one about this mental institution where they torture the prisoners and a cop goes undercover into it to expose them, and anyway it was scary and I thought Grandma Sally and Grandpa Richard would be offended by it and I was trying to wrap the present as fast as possible so they could leave (usually my roommates are really good about turning off the TV when my grandparents are here but Kara had been wanting to watch this episode for ages), but then I looked at my grandparents and they seemed to be somewhat fascinated by the episode and were asking Kara about the plot of it to figure out what they missed. So either they were being incredibly polite good actors or they weren’t offended by it. Grandma you can tell me which it is :-)
Oh dear, this is getting way too long and there’s still another thing I want to write about. Ah well, you can skim if you’re bored.
Next week, on the 10th,11th, and 12th are our graduation picnics. My roommates and I were all going to go to the Wednesday one and go to the beach afterward. I hadn’t gotten my ticket yet because I’m a horrible procrastinator and I had never walked down to the front desk to get it. Then I got the college program weekly e-mail yesterday and it said that no more tickets were available for the 12th. Oh no oh no oh no, was the 12th Wednesday? I grabbed my calendar and flipped it open. Yes, the 12th was Wednesday.
“Oh no!” I said aloud. How could I have done this to myself? I am so stupid!
“What is it?” asked my roommates Dani and Nic and Marijka who were in the room. I explained, and they began trying to figure out what to do. Maybe I could still slip in somehow to be with them, and at least I could still go to the beach with them afterward. Then Dani said,
“Well, go right now to the front desk and ask,” and the others agreed,
“Go right now, go right now.” Inwardly I wasn’t sure what the point was of going right then if they were sold out, but I was hating myself for procrastinating, and ending my procrastination at that moment, even if it wasn’t going to do any good, seemed like a sort of penance or atoning action or something. So I went, yelling at myself all the way. I had an impulse to pray about it, but I felt that I had absolutely done this to myself, and not only that but I did this to myself continually and when things went wrong I always hoped it would work out somehow and I was completely irresponsible and I needed to take my lumps this time and not keep thinking that I could get away with procrastinating and that someone or something else would make it come out right in the end. In the words of Jiminy Cricket, “You buttered your bread, now sleep in it!”
So I arrived at the front desk, and told the man I needed a graduation ticket.
“Which day would you like?” he asked,
“Well, I’d like the 12th, but it said it was sold out,” I said.
“Yes, it is,” he said, smiling ruefully. I was starting to ask if I could be put on a wait list or something when he held up his hand to me, and, looking past me, said, “Hold on.” Thinking that someone either important or who looked desperate was coming, I stepped to the side and looked to see who it was.
A couple walked up, each holding a ticket, and the girl said to the man,
“We need to switch from the 12th to the 11th, is that all right?”
I stifled a shriek. The man smiled very big, and traded their tickets, tucking one into the ticket box and handing the other to me. I signed my name to say that I had received the ticket, and clasped it to my chest, almost in tears.
“I wasn’t meaning to be rude, telling you to wait,” the man said. “I just saw them coming up behind you.”
“No, no, that’s fine, that’s wonderful!” I said. “I’m so happy. All my roommates are graduating on the 12th and I wanted to be with them.” And I flew back to my roommates to tell them the good news. So that is my tale of getting what I absolutely did not deserve. And normally I hate those dumb stories where the angels discuss what God does and are baffled by it, but I couldn’t help that a picture came to mind of my guardian angel saying to God,
“You know, if you keep getting her off the hook like that, she’s never going to learn to stop procrastinating!” I know it’s inaccurate and heretical, but it made me smile nonetheless. And I’m going to prove him wrong, and leave right now to go to the park lost and found to ask about something I lost, because I’ve been putting that off because I’m afraid they won’t have it and I’ll be sad. But no more, I’m going today.
Love to all.